The Seattle Seahawks will NOT be going to the Super Bowl if any of the following things happen:

  • 1

    The Sea Gals Get Called in to Sub

    The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders fill in for the Seahawks Sea Gals because they get called in to sub for the Defensive Coordinator, and all their plays are really freaking good. Putting Ken Norton Jr. out of a damn job.

  • 2

    Russell Wilson Says 'I'm Done!'

    Russell Wilson throws up his hands like that Peter Griffin meme and refuses to make any major passing throws in the next game against the Arizona Cardinals.

  • 3

    CenturyLink Field Installs a Popeye's Concession Stand

    CenturyLink Field installs a Popeye's concession stand over the Christmas holidays. During a playoff game, instead of chewing gum, Coach Pete gets delivered one of the new Spicy Chicken Sandwiches. He sits down and chows down. I mean, who could possibly concentrate after eating that? We would lose the game big time and not be going to the Super Bowl.

  • 4

    Seahawks Defensive Line Dances to The Wobble

    During a playoff game, the Seahawks defensive line dances to The Wobble after the first touch down. Several players, specifically #18 - Jaron Brown, #83 - David Moore, #16 - Tyler Lockett, and #14 - DK Metcalf, strain their adductor muscles, rendering them useless for the entire rest of the game. Boo. Just stick to the New Edition dance from now on, guys. We love it when you did that earlier this month at the game against the Vikings. Those are safe, easy moves. Please, don't try any more of that "fancy" stuff like dancing to N*Sync's "Bye, Bye, Bye".

  • 5

    I've Changed My Mind and This List Sucks

    After deep thought, I have decided that I've changed my mind and this list sucks. There is nothing at this point that can stop our Seattle Seahawks from going to the Super Bowl. I mean NOTHING. Just make it through all the playoff games and we're in like Flynn.

    Now let me go put on my homemade Seahawks flannel shirt! I am the 12th Woman, hear me roar!

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