12 Things People Say to Washingtonians That Make Them Roll Their Eyes
Here is a handy list of things said to people who live in Washington state that kinda make us mad*.
You have been warned. 😂
*It's probably best that you don't say these one or more of these things to a Washintonian.
THEM: Where do you live?
YOU: I live in [any city in Washington].
So you live in Seattle?
Whew, chile, don't get me started. LOL. Why is it so hard to get it through that there's more to our beautiful Washington state than Seattle? I get it, Seattle is internationally famous for wonderful things like the Space Needle, Seattle Seahawks, Starbucks, the movie Sleepless in Seattle, and Amazon, for instance. When someone tells you the city they live in, however, there is probably an 80% chance they don't live anywhere near Seattle. (Disclaimer: 80% is my exaggerated mathematical estimate, not to be confused with an official one.)
Do you know Bill Gates?
Nope. I wish I had some of that Bill Gates money, though! Next question.
Where does Jeff Bezos live?
Do I know where he lives? Let me answer by asking, What do you get when you cross a rhinoceros and an elephant? Elephino! How the heck are we all supposed to know where Jeff Bezos lives? For all I know, he doesn't stay in his Washington mansion, he probably stays out of town 11 months after the year! (But if you find out where he lives, let me know. I promise I won't show up there asking if I could "borrow" a million dollars.)
So you really like Starbucks Coffee, don't you?
There's more delicious cups of Washington state coffee than a freakin' grande at Starbucks! We've got Dutch Bros., Big Java, Mocha Tree, Lincoln Ave Espresso, Tully's, etc.
Is it on fire where you live in Washington?
Not currently, but thank you for asking. There has been an AWFULLY LOT of smoke all over the state of Washington these past two years. It is flooding in some parts of upper Washington currently, though. Please send us all your sandbags and extra supplies! Thank you!
I don't believe Sasquatch is real.
I've always wanted to visit D.C. What is it like to live there?
WE ARE NOT ANWHERE NEAR WASHINGTON D.C.! True story, when I moved to Washington, my father thought I had gotten a job in D.C. He said he would ride in the U-haul with me on my journey. When he sat down in the passenger seat, he had all these maps of Washington, D.C. He was furious when he found out I was headed to the OTHER Washington. (I giggle about it now.)
Is Yakima, Washington sketchy? Is Yakima safe?
Well, my friend, it's dangerous anywhere. I'm not gonna lie and say that Yakima hasn't got a bad rep in the news. No place you live is going to be 100% perfect, however, but Yakima to be a great place to be right now. There are many people who would tell you so to your face. Come on, we've got incredibly delicious cheese zombies, fine wines, hotels,a kick-butt convention center, award-winning Mexican food, and some of the friendliest people around. We stan.
What is a Cheese Zombie?
A cheese zombie is only the latest food craze in Yakima, Washington. If you haven't heard of it, that sounds like a YOU problem. Get yourself one of our delicious cheese zombies and come get your life! We are trying to make it a thing, kind of like the word 'fetch', except that Cheese Zombies have been our hidden gem foodie treat for several decades.
THEM: *Mispronounces the name of your city AND state* I've heard it all, the cities of Natchez (Naches), B'wayno (Buena), Pull-Y'all-Up (Puyallup), and Yak-KYE-ma/Yaki-MAW (Yakima) get mispronounced on the daily.
The worst offender though is when I hear someone say, "Warshington." Even the Google Maps lady says the name of the streets and cities of places like Ahtanum and Selah wrong. It makes me giggle but that doesn't mean it's still annoying to hear.
THERE IS NO R in Washington. FYI.
Napa Valley and Sonoma in California have the BEST wines.
ME: Did you just say The Californians?? As if!
Um, NO, you're wrong. You need to expose your uncultured palate to Washington state wines. We have several places you can sample the BEST in the West: there's Yakima Valley, Columbia Valley, Rattlesnake Hills, and Walla Walla wines, just for starters.
THEM: Hey, single friend.
Are you dating anyone out there in Washington state?
Nope. There's nobody out here left to date. LMAO.
When you move to a small town, a lot of the currently single men will likely turn out to be one of your girl friend's ex-husbands! No thank you (unless you go for that sort of thing)! Tinder Gold sucks, by the way. I've lived in Washington for nearly 20 years and have unfortunately found out that unless you have already met your significant other at college, the pickin's here are VERY SLIM. It can get pretty lonely, not gonna lie.
That's what ice cream, crying, and bingewatching stuff on Amazon Prime Video is for. Carry on.