Which one(s) of these guys have you met at the bar in Yakima?

DISCLAIMER: This post is intended for entertainment purposes only and is in no way to be substituted for common sense or professional dating advice. All descriptions of characters you may meet/have met at a bar in Yakima -- even if based on real jerks -- are purely fictional.

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    The Texter

    His texts will always come before you do, boo. Take a number or send him a text that says TTYN. (Talk to you NEVER.)

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    Hipster Harvey

    He was teased and dissed for his deep intellect and love for counter-culture during middle and high school. But now, Hipster Harvey's all grown up, with strong muscles, a curly mustache, and a beard that makes you swoon. Bonus points for a glitter beard. Could be a keeper.

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    Sleazy Sebastian

    He owes his cousins money from two years ago. Stay away. He's only going to try to woo you in the hopes that you will let him move in with you (because then he can stop living couch-to-couch at his friends' houses). Watch out when he starts asking you what you cooked for dinner. Run, y'all, run.

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    Know-It-All Kyle

    He's got his own condo, probably a Beemer or Mercedes, but he is always talking about how great he is, what his next European trip will be, and who he knows that is really rich or famous. Kick this dude to the curb.

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    Baby Mama Blake

    Warning: If you meet him at the bar and he brings up how much he hates his ex in ANY part of your very first conversation, then my lil' lemon drop, you need to RUN. LIKE. HALE. He's a keeper if it's been a few years since they broke up and they actually get along without name calling!

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    Cannibus Carl

    If you love cannibus as much as he does, then you have just hit the jackpot. Hey, it's legal now. He's the new plug. You're in luv.

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    Smooth-Talkin' Shane

    Why do guys approach you with such horrible pick-up lines? The fact that some of these wack guys are successful is heartbreaking. We need to go find the ladies who fall for this shtick and save them from Smooth-Talking Shane.

    A guy in a slick business suit actually walked up to me and said, "I could have you if I wanted you." BOY, BYE.

    Another time, a man old enough to be my FATHER came up to me and said, "So, how are you paying the rent these days?" Granpaw, BYE.

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    Vaping Virgil

    You vape. He vapes. You two should get together and go out sometime and let the magic happen!

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    Riley Can't Rap

    This dude can't rap and I wish his friends would keep it 100 and be real with him instead of inflating his ego. His rhymes are wack and watch out, he will try to "impress" you at the bar with his freestyling. Ask him if his freestyling pays the bills, and see what he says.


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    Felon Bae

    Aww, he's so sweet and charming. He means well, and he is genuinely trying to put his life back together. However, if he JUST got out of prison for a violent crime or fraud...then he truly needs some time to adjust to life outside the pen and get back on his feet. On second thought,  he's done his time and paid his debt to society, so...proceed at your own risk. I can't tell you who to love.